User manual GAMES PC REDNECK RAMPAGE

[. . . ] Inside THE GAME THAT'S INVADING HICKSTON ® The Adult Redneck Daily Tuesday, April 1, 1997 25 cents ARKANSAS FARMWIFE GIVES BIRTH TO ALIEN COW BABY! "He looks jes' like his real momma, " says the mother By E. A rural sheriff's wife claims that her infant son is actually the result of alien experiments conducted upon herself and her family's livestock. "Them aliens `napped our best cow right before Ah dropped this-here young'un, " claims Bertha-Sue Hobbes of the small Southern town of Hickston. "Ah had dreams `bout it at the time, lahke they was checkin' out mah brain. [. . . ] You can set 'em off with just about anything. . . Just make shore you shoot 'em from a safe distance. I just know I'm gonna get throwed outta the lodge if anyone sees me wearin' it. But Damnit. . . it just feels so nice against m' skin! Page 7 one of them mongreloids after yer ass, you'll be prayin' for the fastest cowboy boots that's ever graced the face of this earth. Turd Minion - Rumor has it that them Turd Minions is actually made from alien fecal matter. Seems them buggers have found some kind'a way to recycle their own crap. They bring it to life and use them little buggers to do all their work for them. Damn, I'm startin' to think I'm on the wrong side here. Ah, just as well, those little freaks probally would never get a lick o' work done, the way they always be hoppin' around like that. Nope, more likely they wouldn't be worth. . . Well, worth a shit I imagine. Skinny Old Coot - Most of the town folk are a bit scared of that skinny old coot. No one can say for sure how old he is, but he's been livin' round here since long before anyone else can remember. Folks say he's been touched by some bad mojo, and now he cain't be killed. A few people have even claimed that they've actually seen the old man die. To make things worse, the old fart hates tresspassers, and thinks he owns the whole county. Hell, he's so damn old that maybe that's not so impossible to believe. Billy Ray Jeter - Billy Ray has always been a bit of a loner, and doesn't care much for comp'ny (even though he does consider most folks to be his cousin, an' in his case, he's likely right). Like many folk round these parts, Billy Ray swims in the shallow end of the gene pool, if'n you catch my drift. Because of several generations of. . . errrr. . . selective breedin', he is one mammoth of a man. That boy's skull is so thick I swear you could crack a bowlin' ball on it. Word has it he was out frog giggin' in the swamp late one night, and one of them alien space ships sucked his big ass up. They say they done cloned that boy, but was so disappointed with the results, they dumped the whole lot back into the swamp. Now I guess there's supposed to be hundreds of them Billy YER HOSTILE ENEMY TYPES Mosquito - You may have heard a yarn or two about the size of the insect life here in the deep South. [. . . ] Call the Psycik Frend Line at 1-900 CRISTALBALL for Real Sykick Advyce -- pom reeding, astrologee, or tarow. You be male or female, any age, looking 4 new horizons & open to the idea of artificial impregnation. Civil War Recreation Society: Come and act out the way the war should have been won. Shoot off your foot in a `work related injury?' Being harrassed by foreigners? [. . . ]